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Wonder Woman 1984, 2020 – ★

I really wanted to like this. I was hype for this movie, hoping for an irreverent, impactful take on WW like Thor Ragnarok was. The actors performed well with what they were given, I liked Gal Gadot in the unearned “emotional” scenes.  I am baffled that this script passed through multiple experienced hands and still got the green light. 

Aside from the script though I still have trouble finding much to like. The 80s setting felt shallow, almost like a parody of the decade. It didn’t care for detail and instead just bulk bought commodore computers, legwarmers, and fanny packs. It felt like a Gen Xers vision of what the 80s might look like based on a google image search. The CGI was overused and under executed. The final fight with cheetah felt like the final fight in Black Panther where it’s 99% digital body double with no convincing physics. The difference is one movie had Kilmonger and the other had a nebbish geologist that wished to be a kitty cat. The poor action doesn’t end there though, the lasso of truth is no longer used for truth, it’s a web shooter now, and none of the kicks or punches had any weight to them at all. The fights looked like a really dramatic game of tag. 

Now for the script. Oh My God. I guess let’s start with something I admittedly hate in ANY movie, which is an all powerful plot device/writers get out of jail free card. Having a “Wishing Rock that grants all wishes” is the height of narrative laziness. The movie highlights harassment and consent, all the while Wonder Woman and Steve Trevor use a strangers body for sex. The film shows nearly every character wearing coats/scarves and shows a blanketed homeless man that Wiigs character gives food and says “Stay Warm”, then a few scenes later they claim it’s the Fourth of July? The exposition is as heavy handed here as I have ever seen it, with full on monologues, flashbacks, and characters whose only purpose is to give long-winded explanations of something that was never even hinted at previously. I could go on for another hour here but instead I’ll just ask some questions and hopefully I just missed something and you guys can enlighten me. 

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When wishes can manifest anything out of thin air, why does only Steve Trevor have to bodysnatch someone?

Did the guy that got bodysnatched die for three days? Does he have a job, family, friends?

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Why is a Jet at a museum not only flyable but fueled for quick trips to Egypt?

How does Steve Trevor learn how to Fly essentially an alien spacecraft in less than 5 seconds?

Considering he died in a Plane Crash wouldn’t attempting that flight, and doing it through fireworks, give him some pause?

Did anyone wish for something nice? Anyone at all? 

Does the President usually host convenient top secret science fairs in the Oval Office when randoms come visit?

Can he just give Kristen wig second wishes when he’s feeling “generous” because he clearly couldn’t  give second wishes before that.

Do your TV particles really “touch” you? Because if so,  I don’t like that. 😬

Why wasn’t Young Diana automatically disqualified for not hitting one of the blue powder things?

Do kids in foreign countries usually play soccer on the highway?

Did WonderWoman forget how to fly in future movies?

Did Wonder Woman forget how to “Scarlett Witch” things invisible with her hands in future movies?

Did every single person on earth that owns a tv, renounce their wish?

What beam light thing was Max lord standing on at the end? What was the TV showing at that time?

Did Max Lords child, run from his dads office,  dodging bullets and fighting people through a Third World War to emerge from the trees and find his dad? Because I wanna see THAT movie 🔥 

Wouldn’t the drunk guy that assaulted Kristen Wiig the first time see her again and think “Last time I did this I got kicked 40 feet into a trash can, maybe I’ll wait for the next one.”

Isn’t the ancient book that they get from the “one time, never to be seen again” character, something that would actually exist in the Smithsonian museum where the protagonist works, and not in a random Hippies warehouse?

Where did Cheetah find the flyer that led to that warehouse?

If Diana can fly, does she needs to spider swing on lightning? Does that give her some benefit?

Why did she do all that flying and swinging just to go back to her apt in DC, where she already was to begin with? Was she halfway to the bad guys and just went “Oh shit, I forgot my gold armor!”?

Did all the giant comm towers and electrical lines that Cheetah and WW destroyed outside the facility maybe affect the signal being transmitted inside? If not what were those comm towers and wires for?

If the….no no I’m gonna stop here, my hands hurt. 

To the people that enjoyed it, I am genuinely happy for you. I wanted so badly to. I am all for suspension of disbelief and camp in movies, but, in my opinion, it has to have some internal logic. A set of loose, possibly even ridiculous, rules that the movie ABIDES by. That’s what makes emotional beats feel consequential and earned. This movie was campy which is fine, but it didn’t abide by ANY internal logic whatsoever. Watching this film felt patronizing to me as an audience member. Maybe if I just view this movie as an expensive Hans Zimmer music video, I’ll get more enjoyment out of it.

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